Harry, the Drunk Prince, has been behaving in increasingly erratic ways over recent months. He was spotted last month in Harrods food court with caviar over his buttocks, and later that week at a Leicester Square premier, where he chanted anti-Semitic slogans and clapped his hands, apparently inciting the vomiting crowd into what he described as “purging”.
"Purge, y'cunt." A sloshed prince basks publically in the racism of his ancestors.
Despite written apologies for these self-described “lapses in judgement”, these latest claims of sexual violation suggest that the red-faced boy has gone one step too far in the direction of too far.
The prince and two friends are reported to have stormed into a private house party in Watton-at-Stone, Hertfordshire, and immediately undressed. While one of the friends stood guard at the front door, prohibiting both entry into and exit from the property, Harry downed the other guests lager, promising to write them a cheque at a later date, and danced what witnesses described as a “penis dance” in front of the stereo system.
While surprised guests initially humoured the fucked royal, the scene took a sexual turn as Harry initiated a sustained programme of touching, male and female alike.
“I couldn’t believe it,” wittered Alan Softball. “One minute he was shaking his downstairs and the next he was clutching my backside pieces. I laughed at first but when I tried to stop him he headbutted me. His friend held my head down into the carpet while Harry did the rape. I cried and he told me he was the son of Diana, Princess of Wales, which I knew to be true from the news.”
Harry worked his way through 18 other victims, seven of which were female, and then stormed out of the house, still naked and into a waiting Mercedes.
Although no royal spokesperson was available for comment, Buckingham Palace did issue this statement moments before press: “Harry is fun free thinker, and whilst we do not doubt the occurrence of intercourse, we do strongly question the likelihood of homosexuality, and indeed of intercourse without consent. We will happily ignore any further questions either the press or the affected families might have.”
This is not the first time that Harry has used his mother’s name in sexual acts. The famed “Topman Occasion”, so named for occurring within the fitting room of the national fashion outlet, was built around a list of his mothers greatest achievements, reeled off by the Prince at orgasm, who cried as he spoke the words.
“Just because he’s a prince he thinks he can do whatever he likes, even with my genitals,” shuddered Stacey, one of the victims who prefers to remain otherwise anonymous. “Although he already has done, I want him to know that he can’t. Do whatever he likes, even with my genitals.”
An investigation is being run by Hertfordshire police, but the commanding officer has already stated that it will not progress beyond the initial paperwork.
.............. these are all made up bullshit, right?
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