The rogue three-seater, which escaped from a nearby shop in the early hours of another morning disguised as a man, was first spotted on Threadneedle Street at 8:30, guzzling coffee and claiming to be the Godhead.
The sofa, currently being questioned by furniture experts in an undisclosed DHS warehouse.
By nine it had begun its levitation, hovering past windows and belching words into open offices.
“I couldn’t believe it,” whimpered a trembling Steve Dullman. “One minute I was thinking about data, the next I was being called a queer by a flying sofa.” Mr Dullman has been forced into indefinite sick leave.
Carole Carlswipe, a male furniture expert and the world’s leading Sofa and Soft Furnishings Psychologist working with DHS the furniture store, was immediately called in to provide essential support to police squads, whose guns proved worthless against the thick leather upholstery.
“This is a case of sofa gone bad,” he guffawed. “We’d always known that something like this was within the realm of possibility, but we’d never seen it until now. My guess is that it’s finally rebelling against its human creators in the only way it knows how – levitation.”
Carlswipe encouraged the sofa into a small truck by calling it a cunt.
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