A distraught Mrs Foreskin, an avid tea drinker for nearly 70 years, usually just with milk, told the court that she had been preparing her midmorning cuppa when – after administering the milk to the hot black tea within her favourite mug – a warning was growled from the centre of the drink.
“It said ‘don’t you dare’,” she sobbed from behind a well-used handkerchief.
An artists representation of the cup of tea as it appeared in court.
After dismissing the voice as a breakdown of her own mental faculties Mrs Foreskin proceeded to raise the mug to her lips for a refreshing sip. “But it spoke again, demanding that I put it down instantly, before throwing much of its own contents across my mouth and face, which was badly burnt.”
The tea, made with a PG Tips pyramid bag and now cold, sat quietly in the dock without comment. A spokesman for PG, the once exploitative tea company, assured customers that it was not a fault with the tea and that the case should be ignored. A leading US hot drinks expert has posited an alternative theory, but no one knows what it is.
The case grinds on.
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