office culling boosts morale

A South London office has begun a trial run of staff murders in an attempt to boost morale.

Julian Sadcase Ltd., a filing and storage solutions company based in Barnes, drafted the daring new proposal after staff complaints were noted regarding the "slovenly attitude" and "lack of commitment" in some of their younger employees.

“You know what these youngsters are like,” moaned Mr Sadcase, “just out of college and still with the hope of a better future. It’s that temp mentality. They think they’re too good for menial work like this, and their blasé approach was starting to take its toll on some of my more hopeless staff.”

The management board will begin murdering one junior a month, hoping that the measures will not only detract younger employees from their costly lack of motivation, but also enable older workers to feel inspired with the justice of the decisions.

If the pilot scheme takes off the murders will become more frequent, eventually being conducted by other employees selected by a raffle draw. It is predicted that a huge number of new vacancies will open up in order to deal with the demands of the slaughter.

The project has the full backing of the job centre, who babbled incoherently.