Davis, who endorsed the children’s range of Pot Black snooker tables in the late 1980s, was on good form throughout the match with close friend and comic Jim Davidson. During the third frame, in which Davis led by 20 points, a stunned crowd could only watch in horror as his chin began to drop, closely followed by his trousers and pants.
“I couldn’t believe it, I really couldn’t,” said the distraught referee, whose nose has been bleeding since the match. “He just dropped his trousers with this vacant glaze over his little eyes, and he started pumping this awful thin shaft into the table’s top pocket. He groaned like an animal, then the audience started to vomit at the sight of those white, white buttocks, clenching with every pump. It was an awful day for snooker, an end to the innocence of the once great sport. Thirty years of refereeing and I’ve never seen anything like that.”
"Feel the length of my cue," gobbles Davis - in new uniform - at a special underground prison facility.Five-times world champion Davis tried to apologise to fans in a press conference given only hours ago. “I was carried away,” said ‘Simple Face’ Davis. “I saw my opening and I took it, slipped it right into the pocket. As a sportsman, I had to. Snooker is a sexy sport, all long cues and cushioned flanks. It was too much for me yesterday and I had to screw. Endgame.”
Davis is to appear in court next week. The odds of him fucking something inappropriate at the hearing are as little as 3/1 in most high street bookmakers.
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